It’s a glorious Cambridge Summer evening. The sun is slowly setting over the idyllic Granchester meadows as lovers drift in punts to tea and buns at The Orchard tea house. Oh hello! What’s that splashing? There goes mother duck and her eight little ducklings. Hey you at the back don’t lag behind, you’re missing all the fun! It’s the stuff of all your romantic dreams. Lee Lonjwoosh takes his latest flame for an evening of punting larks, a bottle of Bucks Fizz in one hand (Sainsburys £1.49) and a packet of Jaffa Cakes in the other (also Sainsburys 61’p) and says,

It’s very big, the pole thing. Stepping on board a punt first time ever, sticking it in, and then drifting with decided determination toward the nearest prickily bush, well it only seems a matter of time before you’ll be taking the plunge, in time honoured Cambridge tradition, into the murky waters of the River Cam. And you may not be wrong. Sitting, pint in hand, earlier on in the evening on the Anchor patio, 2 ‘fallers' were witnessed. Put it like this, don’t expect to stay dry. However, if like me, after your initial moments of concern you prove to be possibly one of the most elegant, controlled and stylish first-time punters ever to have graced the Cam, then punting holds all different guises of pleasure for all the family!

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FUN FOR ALL THE FAMILY
Normally when you read the words fun for all the family in your local paper, well you can be pretty much sure this means that
a) you’re in for a pretty flipping dull time.
b) there won’t be a beer tent.
But, and this is an however, not so is the case with punting. Everybody loves it. Wot a laugh!, It’s so romantic, I fell in and nice! are just a few of the quotes I’ve just completely made up. But seriously, take a look on the meadow outside the Tap and Spile of a Sunday afternoon and check out the different ages, shapes, nationalities and types taking in a day’s punting. But be careful when taking Granny. Those first few tentative steps on board may well have her wetting her knickers.

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THE SETUP:
We went punting with Scudamores who offer Self-hire and Chauffeur punts. The choice is yours. It all depends on your mood or your laziness. The thing about punting is that it can be anything you want it to be: a leisurely family afternoon, a crack with your mates and a few bottles of plonk, or a romantic love-nest for you and your loved one. You can also choose which way up the river you wish to go. One way takes you all along the beautiful Cambridge ‘backs’ taking in such sights as the Mathematical Bridge, Kings Colleges, Clare College, Bridge of Sighs, Magdalene College, blah, blah, blah. But don’t take my word for it. Hire a chauffeur, we all know how full of it they are.

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Or go the other way! Like we did. This way takes you through the meadows toward Granchester, and pubs The Red Lion and Green Lion, or if you prefer tea at The Orchard. We didn’t make it. Collapsing with exhaustion as soon as I was out of sight of the hire kiosk I paddled leisurely to the nearest mooring and simply chilled out as the sun set and mist rose on the waters. Funny the things you hear in the half dark, I’m walking backwards to Christmas, drifted over to us from one passing crew. This was followed by rather lovely strains of Mud, mud, glorious mud, in full descant. As night fell and we set back I dramatically found my punting feet. Firstly out of sheer fright that we may run into the ghost of the Cam (and you don’t need a lot of imagination I can tell you out there in the darkness!) Secondly I was absolutely dying for a wee but didn’t find myself in the right kind of company to do it over the side.

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TO GET THERE:
Scudamores is based just outside The Anchor on Silver Street, but all along the river is hot competition. It won’t take you long to stumble across a firm.
THE COST:
As far as I can gather all the firms are pretty much the same. Chauffeur punts seem to have a certain amount of negotiability about them, although they probably won’t thank me for saying so. £8 will Self hire a punt for an hour, which can’t be bad (payable upon return.) But don’t forget to cost in lunch at The Anchor, a pint or 4, a few bottles and your Jaffa Cakes of course.

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THE VERDICT:
Need I say anymore. Punting is a Cambridge institution. Why?
Because it is EXCELLENT!

DON’T DRINK THE WATER!! One word of warning however. If you do fall in don’t drink any river water. Okay so you’re not likely to, but sore throats and dicky tummies may follow. On the other hand, if you are a foreign student and you happen to have the misfortune of finding yourself overboard a good idea I’ve just had would probably be to duck your head under and take several deep breaths. Know what I mean?