Glossary of Bumps Terms

(taken from the Mays programme, 1995)

"Acknowledge!": What the terrified stroke shouts at the oblivious cox seconds before their boat is sunk by a pursuing eight.
Blades: Lethal sharp bits on the end of oars. Useful for beheading ducks, swans and stray novice crews. You get to keep a blade if your crew bumps on all four days of the bumps. This is the aim of all the crews not in immediate contention for the Headship.
Boatman: Man with a long pole who pushes the boat out prior to the start. The accuracy of this push will keep him talking about his ability for the next twelve months.
Bow: Comedian. The bow seat creates a strange fatalism. They know that in a serious collision, they will be the only one to die or get paralysed. Consequently, there is a constant stream of one-liners that two and three could probably hear if they weren't splashing so much.
Bump: Well, the object of the whole thing really. If you manage to hit the crew ahead, you might get to break a few of their riggers. And you move up to take their place in the division. If this contact sport does not appeal, you can do it the hard way by overtaking until your stern is clear of their bow or by chasing the Vet School.
Bung: Small piece of wood attached to a chain to the bank. This must be held by the cox until the cannon goes. This rule is sometimes waived by Downing and Trinity Hall when the Headship is at stake.
Cam: Big, brown, wet wobbly thing.
Cannon: Very loud gun that starts the race. Set to the same clock that British Rail use to ensure prompt service.
Chesterton: Chesterton footbridge is the finish for the top of the men's divisions. Only they are stupid enough to row that far.
Coach: Vigorous character on the bank often heard shouting "One length to go!" as his/her crew enters the empty Long Reach.
Corners: Bent straights. Resulting in bent boats and bent pride. There are three in the bumps course: First Post, Grassy and Ditton.
Cox: Vertically challenged boaties who steer because there isn't a bantamweight category in rowing.
Crab: The most efficient way to slow down a boat other than putting it in Trinity Hall's 3rd Lent crew.
Crabs: See your doctor.
Duck: What to do if you see Emmanuel 1st boat approaching.
Ditton: The final corner of the race. Most of the lower divisions never get this far. Keen competitors would be advised to hoist a sail here and tack up Long Reach.
Eight: Traditional number of oarsmen/oarswomen in a crew. The number may be reduced by crashing or crabbing.
Ergo: Spectacularly inefficient mode of transport. After half an hour rowing at firm pressure, you will be unlikely to have moved more than two inches across the boathouse floor.
Exercises: Used in training to create a pathological hatred for the coach amongst the crew. Rowing square blades with feet out and outside arms off into a headwind at half slide with eyes closed is a good one.
Expert: Every crew has a token expert. Can cox and coach the boat from the five seat.
Grassy: The corner to watch the bumps from. Be prepared to avoid boats that don't quite make it round the bend.
Green Dragon: The best pub to be near the river if you don't want to see any action.
Gut: Narrow bit of the river that presumably resembles someone's intestines. Not a good place to bump - crews should try and restrain themselves until the Railway Bridge to make a really satisfying bump.
Jesus: Son of God. All of Jesus College Boat Club row and look like real men. Especially the women.
Junior Umpires: Umpires who aren't grown up yet. They will fine any crew they dislike, usually under some trivial pretext such as "Sinking three boats by spinning in the middle of the race."
Just...: put it in
LMBC: Very popular boat club. Many people have T-shirts saying just how much they'd like to row for Lady Margaret.
Lycra: The reason why many people take up rowing. Some people go around in groups wearing identical lycra all day long, even if they're not rowing until the evening. Variously used to emphasise musculature, genitalia and erect nipples.
Pike & Eel: Riverside pub where crews can pull in for a few pints before their division starts. This tradition will not be possible this year as the P&E is closed for refurbishment, and the Council won't re-route the Cam past the Green Dragon.
Peter's Posts: Post left by Peter nearly 2000 years ago as a trap for cyclists. The top finish for the ladies race.
Plough: Good, safe place to watch the Bumps from. They serve beer from a tent in the garden during Bumps weeks.
Rowing Over: Painful consequence of everybody bumping out ahead of you.
Seven: Wannabe stroke. The most persuasive ones get their boat bow-rigged.
Sitting the boat: Only really possible if there are more strokesiders than bowsiders in the crew.
Six: If you bred Arnold Schwarzenegger with a Golden Retriever, you'd get a number six. Six pulls hard, nods and agrees a lot.
Splashtops: How to differentiate between CUBC and CUWBC rowers. Whereas the men get awarded a Blue, the women obviously get awarded a Green.
Stroke: The meekest, most frightened non-rower in the world, when put in the stroke seat, becomes the most competitive person in the boat by far. Don't expect to finish a game of Monopoly, Risk or Golf with a stroke.
Technical Bump: Awarded to the pursuing crew if the crew ahead does not turn up. Therefore, those crews that get overbumped or even double-overbumped can be sobered by the thought that they could have been several places higher by the end of the Bumps by simply not turning up.
Three: Late at the catch. Late in the water. Late to outings. Late to lectures. On the other hand, maybe it's just something about the way that the boat flexes that makes three look like a spanner.
Troll: Small shadowy figure who lives under the Railway Bridge and asks to see bike passes.
"Up two!": Call from the cox to remind number two that he/she shouldn't lie down during the actual race.

Duncan Batchelor.

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